Dear Human!

I called my Mom one day for our usual chit chat on the phone. As she picked up the phone I could immediately sense some tension in her voice. "Ma Cherie, you would not believe what I received yesterday! "Filled with curiosity, I quickly said to her: "Tell me, tell me, what is it?"

With pain in her voice, she said to me: "I received a letter from Sanani, the neighbor who had killed your brothers. He is in prison and has asked me for forgiveness!"

I was a bit confused by the news, and she said: "Don't worry, let me read to you his complete letter and you would understand better!" I sobbed as Mom read out to me the hand-written letter, a copy of which is included in this book. When translated into English, it reads:

"To Mrs. Marie Jeanne Mukamwiza,

I am writing to ask for your forgiveness from the bottom of my heart because I have done wrong killing your children. Truly, throughout the years our families lived together harmoniously; when I needed some money or in my daily struggles, your husband had always been there for me and helped me. I beg you to forgive me, I admit the wrong doing I have committed knowing that there was no problem between us. May God forgive me and may all of you, whom I have hurt, also forgive me.

Thank you. Signed: Sanani.

After reading his apology Mom could only cry and told me that she did not immediately respond to him, but about two weeks later he was taken to face trial at the GACACA court (a Rwandan traditional court), Mom and Aunt Esperance went there to hear what he was going to say and to assess whether he was sincere.

As Sanani started to speak to the court, he knelt down in front of my mom crying incessantly and said: "I'm so sorry to God and to you Jeanne and to everyone for what I did. I was horrible and I feel disgusted within myself for my wrongdoings. These kids whose lives I took, were great kids and they were going to be good to me as you and your family always were. I didn't gain anything except guilt in my heart. I'm so sorry Jeanne!"

Mom told me that she was overcome by Sanani's apparent remorse and looked at him with pity and said to him, "I forgive you, but I hope you know that true forgiveness is ultimately up to God's judgment!"

She later told me that she truly forgave him because it was best for her and she felt he was genuinely remorseful for what he had done. I was happy that at least my brothers' killer had apologized for the heinous act he had committed against them, but I kept struggling with the thought that so many others were refusing to apologize. I thought about Shimani who had sexually terrorized me, and of others who had betrayed our right to coexist and killed our loved ones and friends.

It was a constant struggle in my thoughts which I kept asking God in my daily prayers to help me deal with. I later found a great deal of peace within myself after I decided to put them all into God's hands and asked him to keep helping me avoid having any bad thoughts about them.

From Tested to the Limit by Consolee Nishimwe